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Last Puff of Cigarette Smoke.

You puffed your smoke into the air and it hovered above me. I watched it as it faded into the night until I could no longer see anything but the clear full moon that glowed along with the dark night sky.

"So what now?", you asked. I was actually asking myself the same question for the past few nights. "So what now?", I repeated to myself.

It occured to me that we haven’t been saying much to each other, if there were words that were spoken, most likely they were muffled in sobs and slurred speeches. Intoxication did not only happen in our bodies, but also in what we felt. Interlaced hands and bodies close to each other have been cold. Kisses have been nothing but heartless, and laughters have been nothing but silence.

Silence.

It is something that has been sitting between us right now. Something that has been lurking in the dark since, yet we failed to recognize and acknowledge it until now. Only now when things haven’t gotten steady nor better, but worse. Only now when I no longer feel anything but the cold stares when our gazes meet. Only now when hi’s and hello’s are something I’m starting to avoid and goodbye’s are what I have been looking forward to. Only now when I am starting to question what I truly feel for you.

"So what now?", you asked me again. Only this time, finally looking me straight in the eyes with a stare that bore into my soul where the confusion stirs up.

It took me a while to respond,I had to look for something. I looked back at you intently, looking for a thousand reasons to say anything but the words that were about to escape my mouth in a few seconds.

"I don’t know.", I finally said it.

"I don’t know.", I repeated to myself.

 
You stared at me as if it’s the answer you have been expecting from me, like you were just waiting for me to realize this, that what you wanted all along is to come to this point wherein we forget everything, forget the world around us and know nothing but the emptiness in our hearts as we stare into each other’s soul that we once so longed for. "I guess everything’s over then." You need not to say more, I couldn’t agree to it more than I could. We have made our bed, unfortunately, and this may be the last of us. "I guess so.", I said under my breath.

You puffed your last smoke into the air again and I looked at you as you stared into nothingness with contempt. Your gaze met mine and you threw your cigarette to the ground and it felt like we were staring at each other for a minute before you cupped my face with your hands and planted one final kiss on my lips.

I could taste the smoke from your mouth and somehow it felt like it travelled in my insides along with my memories of you. I kissed you deeper, for I know this would be the last one I would ever be enveloped by your smoke.

I don’t know how but the next thing I knew is that your face inched away from mine before you said goodbye under your breath. I said the same, and I watched as you took steps away from me and as you looked at me for the last time before you turned your face into a new chapter of your life without us, without me.

I stared at your figure as you finally disappeared into the darkness and I looked down at the floor and saw that your cigarette still stayed lit. I looked at it with an unfathomable feeling as I finally decided to step on it with my foot and extinguish the fire that once lit it up